


In the Dark, I'll Find You

by yahootoldyou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Sith Luke Skywalker, kind of, minor han/leia, post return of the jedi, they're together in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:59:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8841928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yahootoldyou/pseuds/yahootoldyou
Summary: Han and Leia deal with the consequences of Luke's hidden secret.follow me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/intergalacticfuckup





	

Stormtroopers attack the shield generator on Endor with crazy precision, taking everyone inside off guard. Their arrival was so spontaneous, so perfectly timed… Leia and Han realize at the same time that they have been betrayed. They’re restrained and taken outside where they see an Imperial shuttle landing. Both stiffen, knowing their lives are probably over. Han worries for Luke, his darling Luke, whether or not he’s safe or okay. If he’s dead…

He doesn’t worry for long however, as Luke descends from the shuttle in pristine condition, Darth Vader behind him. He isn’t chained, isn’t forcibly held there, he stands there by choice. Leia gasps in shock and betrayal, grief on her face. It takes all of this for reality to sink in for Han, who slumps to his knees in front of the troopers. They let him and he watches Luke’s blue eyes follow his figure as it drops. Han looks down. He knows what this means now. His heart races in his chest but he bites his lip to keep the tears in, he won’t give Luke or Vader the satisfaction. He still feels blue eyes on him.

“Take the princess and the wookie to the detention hall on the Death Star, I’ll handle this one myself.” Han hears Luke order the troopers. Vader must nod in approval, because the troopers drag a screaming Leia and struggling Chewie away. He feels himself pulled to his feet and finally looks up at the boy he fell in love with so long ago.

“How long?” He asks Luke, watches the pain in those blue eyes before they steel over. 

“Since Bespin.” Before they rescued him then. Before Luke and Leia and Han had been joyfully reunited. He’d kept this secret for that long. Betrayal sings in Han’s veins. He wants to scream like Leia.

“Since Bespin,” he repeats instead, allowing himself to be dragged along as they leave Endor in ruins around them.

 

 

“I don’t, you know.” Han says, facing the fading flames of Endor. Luke looks over to him, yellow flashing in his eyes before he reigns it in. Han keeps his eyes straight ahead, trying to keep their conversation as civil as possible. Luke, his fiancé, stands close to him, wrapping his long fingers around Han’s. Han refuses to stiffen, refuses to give in to the taunting. 

“You don’t what, Darling?” Luke has a cocky tone edging into his voice, but Han ignores this too. 

“I don’t forgive you.” There it is. The air around them freezes and Han still looks away from the prodding gaze of his lover. There is no Leia there to control their tempers, no balance to their arguments. Han isn’t sure when Leia became peace keeper, it certainly wasn’t in her character when they first met, but he finds he misses the girl more than he can admit. 

“I didn’t expect you to right away.” His voice is cold and empty as he addresses Han. Han gulps, feeling the stares of the force on the back of his neck. Sentients demanding retribution from the Skywalker’s for the pain they have inflicted upon the galaxy. Han wishes he could avenge them, but he finds that the very air around him aches with his inability to hurt the blonde next to him. 

“You took her and gave her to him.” It’s an accusation and he sees the anger in Luke’s eyes before he’s forced on his knees. Luke, Sith Lord, Darth Legatum, looks down on him with the condemnation he deserves. Han feels immense guilt for ever meeting the boy on Tatooine, for ever giving him a way off of that god forsaken desert planet in the Outer Rim. His knees ache with the force but he does not bow, does not submit. For Leia, for Chewie…

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Han.” Endor burns around them, ewok screams piercing the air and Han’s heart. Luke keeps him at his side. Keeps him there when he orders the attack. Keeps him there like he did when he threw Leia to the troopers and told them to bring her to their father while she begged him not to. Keeps him there when he sets fire to the forest and their past, joining his father. 

“Find out that you’ve been lying to me this whole time, kid? Since Bespin? Yeah, I’m fucking sorry too.” He refuses to cry in front of Luke, keeping his tears back until Luke yanks him back up to his feet and leads them away from what used to be Endor. Han realizes his life will never be the same long before he reaches the imperial shuttle back to the second Death Star. 

 

 

“Your life would be so much easier if you just gave in.” Luke stands in the doorway, examining the mess Han has left. Han had ripped and torn and smashed anything he could find in the room Luke had given him, tearing it all apart. He thinks the room fits him better like this, edges torn and insides battered. Han flat out refuses to accept that he has allowed his heart to break. 

“Would it, Kid? Because this is the only thing that I’ve even remotely enjoyed since I got here!” Luke doesn’t look down, doesn’t back away, just swallows. Han stares back at him, unaware of how they had gotten here, how Han had been so blind. 

“What did I do to deserve this, Kid? Did I ruin you? Break your heart? Huh? You gotta tell me, Luke, because I’m nuts over you, but you’ve taken my whole life away and-“ Luke raises a hand and Han feels his mouth shut quickly. He tries to open it again, but finds his lips held shut. He scrambles for a moment before he finds purchase on the tattered bed behind him, sitting down. 

“You couldn’t know, because I couldn’t tell you. You didn’t break me, Han, your part of what saved me! If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have seen the faults of the Jedi code! I wouldn’t have my father!” Han feels the pressure release and he straightens his back.

“So I saved you? Luke, I’m sorry, but you’re not that little boy from Tatooine anymore. You’re not innocent and you’re certainly no longer the hero who destroyed the Death Star. I’m so glad you found your dad, Kid, but you took everything from me.” This time, Luke does look down before turning away. Han wants to beg him to stay, but he swallows it back. Luke doesn’t leave, he’s just no longer looking at the love of his life.

“I said I would follow you to the ends of the galaxy once, Kid, and I meant it. I love you. I love you so much, but while you may have found yourself, you took away everything that made me who I am. What am I now other than just yours?” Again, no response. This time Luke looks back once before leaving, the door sliding shut and locking behind him. Han feels his broken heart halves shatter and he slumps to the floor, still refusing to cry. 

 

 

“Your ship has been scrapped for spare parts,” Luke says and this time Han sees sadness in his eyes. Finally, Han just screams, throwing things around the once again pristine room and still refusing to cry. Out of everything he has lost he needs to keep them, needs to keep his tears, his broken heart. What he once gave to Luke freely, he clasps to his chest with an iron grip. It’s not Luke’s anymore because it’s all Han has left. 

“The Falcon?” Han just blurts it out. All of the hurt, the pain audible in that one question. Luke has the courage to stare at him this time, to not look away from what he’s created in Han. 

“I’m sorry,” Luke pleads. He wants Han back, he misses him, he needs him. Han looks at Luke with cloudy eyes and Luke breathes in quickly. There is so much pain there. Han finally just collapses on the bed, head buried in the pillows. 

“Just go, there’s nothing else you could possibly have to tell me.” Luke wants to say he knows where Leia is, that she’s okay. He’s not sure it would make a difference. He leaves because he’s not sure what else he could do. 

 

 

“Father requested that I bring you to dinner tonight,” Luke addresses him, sweeping into the room cloaked in all black. The robes he wears are grand and Han wonders what he is in the Empire now, what horrible role he plays. Han finds that the ache in his chest deepens impossibly and he closes his eyes, conjuring the image of the farm boy with the blue lightsaber that matched his blue eyes who fought for justice and peace. How far his love had fallen…

“Get out of your head and get dressed,” Luke demands and Han startles back into the present. Sick, yellow eyes glare down at him and Han shutters. Luke’s eyes soften before he’s ripping Han off of the bed and shoving him out the door. There’s a grunt of protest, but Han is too weak from not eating to put up a fight. Above him, Luke’s eyes flash blue in worry at how light Han is but he locks it in. Luke knows what he has done to Han by joining his father, everything he’s taken from him. The guilt of it is heavy, the guilt of destroying the love between them. 

“We’re going to get you washed and into clean clothes,” he whispers and Han doesn’t respond, just stumbles after Luke on weak legs. Luke fights the tears that appear in his eyes as he shoves him into his quarters. The ceilings are high and the rooms sterile, so different then the homestead of his youth. White, and black, and various shades of grey blend all around them except for… There, on the wall, is a picture of Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie after the destruction of the first Death Star. They’re smiling and laughing and Han freezes, the last of his strength used to stay in place and look upon the photograph. Luke snarls and shoves him forward, Han falling to the floor. He looks up at Luke, at Darth Legatum, before gazing back at the photograph and allowing the first of his tears to fall. 

Luke stares in awe, in shock, so sure he was never going to see Han cry. The boy he used to be rages against the sight, needing to hug and kiss Han’s pain away but the Sith Lord just stares at the destroyed human beneath him. Accusations scream inside his head and Luke shuts down, leaving Han there for the droids to handle. When Threepio walks in to assist Han Luke hears him weep with relief, hears him throw himself around the droid at his familiarity.

“Thank the force, thank the force, thank the force… I’m not alone here.” Luke finally feels his heart shatter. He flees to train.

 

 

Han is groomed and dressed when Luke returns and he stares at him blankly. Threepio fusses over him.

“Captain Solo, are you listening to me?” The droid is badgering before Luke coughs to gain his attention.

“Oh! Master Luke, how-“ Luke dismisses him with a hand, pretending to not care about how the droid feels.

“How rude…” Threepio mutters, hobbling off back into the kitchen. Luke grasps Han’s hand, hauling him up and out. He remembers doing this before on Hoth, in the Falcon… Remembers the mischievous glint that would appear in Han’s eyes before they’d run off to do something irresponsible. His heart thuds dully in his chest, the dark feeding off of the negative energy. Luke misses Han dearly, which is why he should’ve done this long ago.

 

 

The hangar is empty when Luke and Han reach it, a small ship sitting in the middle of the hangar. In front of it is former Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan and Chewbacca. Han’s eyes widen and he looks at Luke in surprise. Luke feels joy that even after all this time Han looks to him first, needs him first.

“Go,” is all Luke can say past the lump in his throat. Han looks back and forth for a few seconds before he finally tightens his grasp on Luke’s hand. 

“Kid?” He inquires and Luke has weak tears in his eyes. He looks up at Han and kisses him. Han doesn’t recoil, pulling Luke close and kissing him back. Luke wonders if this means he will stay even though the thought is foolish. 

“Thank you…” Han says, his hazel eyes shining with tears again as they gaze down into Luke’s yellow. They know that this is goodbye for a long time if not forever. 

“My father, Leia’s father, does not know I am letting you go, you have to understand…” Han does, he nods. He leans down again and kisses Luke slowly. He looks up when an alarm sounds and Luke shoves him gently towards Leia and the ship.

“I love you, Luke. I love you so much,” Han declares and Luke nods with tears falling quickly.

“I love you too, Han. I’m so sorry…” Han looks at him and nods before rushing to meet Leia at the ships entrance. They hug quickly before entering the ship. Han doesn’t look back, Luke feels pieces of his heart come back together. 

 

 

Vader looks at his son with angry, yet understanding eyes, not that Luke can see them.

“You let the wookie, the smuggler, and the princess go?” He inquires, noticing Luke’s bowed head and he knows the pain his son must feel. Luke had had the strength to let his love go, the strength his father hadn’t been able to muster. Vader smiles underneath his helmet and he uses the force to tell Luke to lift his head. Vader feels anger at having his daughter taken from him but says nothing. His son needed to do this and Leia was never going to forgive Vader. There is an aching in both of their chests at the loss of the trio, but they say nothing more, engaging in brutal lightsaber training. 

 

 

“He’s my brother,” she repeats for the thousandth time, head rested on Han’s shoulder as they split a bottle of his favorite Corellian whiskey. It burns as it slides down the back of his throat. Or, rather, it did burn when they first started on the bottle an hour ago. Now, Han just sits in a daze, waiting with Leia as the ship travels through hyperspace. He nods, knowing that she can feel the movement on her scalp.

“He was my fiancé,” Han mumbles. They’re in the same boat; loving the boy who betrayed their cause so readily after fighting so hard for it. They both flinch, clearly having the same thought processes. 

“We didn’t know, how could we have known?” Leia practically moans in despair, taking a particularly long swig of whiskey. Han can relate. He takes the bottle from her and mimics her, drawing the smooth, sharp alcohol down in long gulps before sighing and passing it back to her. It’s almost gone now. 

“We couldn’t have. He didn’t want us to,” he hears Leia choke on a sob beneath him. Suddenly, the idea of Leia crying seems like the true crime. That the strong, independent, bossy princess should be reduced to tears all because of the traitor they both loved. He wants to be there for her, had promised himself he would be as soon as they boarded their new home Luke had so graciously bestowed them. After he destroyed you and your home, the Falcon, a harsh part of his mind whispers to him and he can’t bring forth any physical response. No flinch or wince, just more alcohol. That will solve all of his problems.

Chewbacca mans the ship from the cockpit as they drink themselves into a state of no return. As much love as they both feel for Luke, his betrayal has cost them everything. Hasn’t even left them with their sanity. All they have now is Chewie and each other, the droids not even among them any longer. It’s hours after, maybe a day after, when Luke had set them free with no where to run or turn to, no resources. Han takes one long look at Leia and wonders if she can solve all the problems this time. If she can save their skins once again. He finds her looking up at him with lost eyes and remembers their age difference seconds before she plants her lips on his. He melts with it, more than likely because of the alcohol, but perhaps because he wants to hurt Luke a little bit. To make up for all the ways the boy had hurt him. Leia’s lips feel nothing like Luke’s but Han continues. Besides, he can’t ever have Luke again anyway. Han is bitter as he tastes the alcohol on Leia’s tongue. He doesn’t look forward to the bleak future ahead of them. 

 

 

The galaxy has a new resistance twenty years later, one headed by Ben Solo. Emperor Vader and Darth Legatum rule the galaxy with a harsh fist, keeping everything under control. Generals Organa and Solo stay behind the scenes, but they fight, they fight hard, hoping to avoid Darth Legatum at all costs. It has been twenty-five years since Luke set them free and they miss him everyday but they aren’t fools. They know what Luke will do if he finds them, knows that he has been left in the dark too long, that he isn’t the man they both love.

“He’ll kill us, you know. He might even go after Ben, nephew or not.” Han nods, pain in his eyes. 

“We’ve given him a lot of reasons to, beyond the resistance.” Leia flinches but she nods. They never fell in love, her and Han. They had entertained the idea, had a one night stand, and ended up with a child. They love each other as siblings almost, best friends. Han didn’t like to think about how Luke would’ve reacted when he found out about Ben Solo, nineteen year old hero of the resistance. 

“We’re not together, Han, our Luke wouldn’t hold what happened against us. Besides, you two haven’t been together for a long time.” Han nods. Leia is totally, completely right, their Luke wouldn’t have held it against them. Unfortunately for them, their Luke died on Bespin, long before they realized they had to mourn for him. 

 

 

The capture of General Organa sends the resistance into a state of panic. Ben looks at his father in fear, but Han just pats his son on the back. He knows what he has to do, knows what he’s had to do for a long time. He hugs Ben before heading for The Skywalker, the ship Luke gave him long ago. He and Leia had named it accordingly, knowing that this ship was to be their new home when they left the second Death Star. 

 

 

“Luke,” He shouts and Darth Legatum turns, looking Han in the eyes for the first time in twenty years. They’re older now, both of them showing faintly grey at the edge of their scalps. Luke’s yellow eyes glare at him and Han shrugs unapologetically. Leia rolls her eyes, strapped to the chair behind Luke.

“That name no longer has any meaning to me,” Legatum hisses and Han chuckles. They look so very different then the younger men who had met in the cantina back on Tatooine and yet, perhaps they are very much still them deep down.

“You’ll always be Luke to me, Kid. My lovely Luke…” He says, taking steps towards the man who has new scars covering his face. He’s thin, still built, and Han is built as well. Luke’s black robes look similar to the ones he’d worn before Han left him and Han stands there in a leather jacket that’s thrown casually over a resistance uniform. Luke scoffs. 

“You two betrayed me!” Leia flinches, but Han keeps his face clear of any reaction. He keeps stepping closer to the man. Luke’s red lightsaber illuminates the room, casting shadows on the walls around them. 

“We’re not together and we never were. Ben came from a drunken one night stand where we thought that maybe, maybe we could move forward, but we couldn’t. We couldn’t, not without you.” Luke’s eyes soften but he stays defensive. 

“Luke, I love you. Since the day I met you, the only thing I have ever been sure of is that I am in love with you.” Luke shudders, Leia feeling the force ripple with the grief her brother feels. 

“You two are enemies of the Empire.” It’s true. They both knew the consequences that would occur if Luke saw them again and he had. He had seen them again. 

“Take me instead. Let Leia go,” Han bargains, seeing the refusal in Leia’s eyes. 

“Han, no!” Han raises a hand to her, never taking his eyes off of Luke. 

“I’ll stay this time, Kid. I missed you.” Luke’s shoulders finally slump and he nods stiffly. Leia leaves tearfully, finding the ship Han arrived in. It occurs to Han that he should’ve said goodbye to Chewie and Ben, but maybe a part of him holds on to the hope that this isn’t forever. That he can save Luke, however unlikely it seems. They walk towards an Imperial shuttle and for the second time, Han realizes his life will never be the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought of it! :)


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